[Charles-P]

A former girlfriend who worked for BA told of the time the agent for a well known super model called them and said,

“Miss xx is running late this morning, ensure the Concorde is held for her”

[openfly]

Hang on…it works the other way.

On my flight to CPT, one of the crew working Club on the upper deck told each passenger to lower their divider for the take-off. I enquired why things had changed as this had never happened before. She replied that I might need to grab my oxygen mask during the take-off. As the oxygen mask doesn’t drop down until a cabin height of 14,000 ft has been exceeded I got the impression that she didn’t understand the emergency passenger oxygen system. But maybe LHR has been elevated to 15000 ft….did I miss that?!

Returning from CPT two days ago upstairs in Club. I asked the steward for a camomile tea. “With milk” was the reply?!!

Funny old world……

[NameRemoved-18/12/14]

On a longhaul to Amsterdam in Economy, I had the temerity to pop back to the rear galley long after the meal service to ask for a beer. Well…it was not a good idea…I thought she was about to punch my lights out. Scary one that stewardess. Needless to say, I didn’t ask for the same again!

[PeterCoultas]

rferguson: remember that “would you like tea or coffee” requires the passenger to be able to speak, I.e. has not had a stroke or is concentrating on his video.
You should ask separate questions, “tea sir?” allowing a nod or shake of the head and if shake then “perhaps coffee sir?” …..there could be a problem on flights to India even then!

[rodders]

great thread Derek. It reminds me of a flight from Beijing to Hong Kong on a Cathay aircraft, and the litany of complaints from a certain individual that Cathay served a different orange juice to Dragonair, and they had specifically wanted to travel on a Dragonair flight, and how dare CX change it. Mind boggling!

[Goldielox]

superchris – I am now curious, what is the difference between ice in water and iced water? I have heard the term iced water used before notably by Americans and not thought anything of it.

[DontTurnRight]

I confess to quite liking the idea of an onboard pressing service, though to be fair some airline lounges offer or used to offer such services on arrival.

At the same time a washing machine and tumble dryer on board that long haul flight would round the process off nicely!!!

[LuganoPirate]

On an Alitalia flight to New York somewhere over the Atlantic some years ago, my then 5 year old son asked the FA if he could take a walk on the wing! The diplomatic answer, “I think it may be a bit too cold to go out just now”.

[nibbler]

@DontTurnRIght – just so long as you get PJs on board

[HongKongLady]

Iced water means you would like very cold drinking water not luke warm . I like my water either very cold or hot !
I did see someone tell a crew member that the shelf in the wardrobe was dangerous as it was at eye level ! The passenger had thrown something in and it had promptly fallen out and hit him in the eye.
I fondly remember the massages I had on Virgin, a great was to pass the time. An onboard pedicure would be a great service although it would have to be gel to avoid smudges 🙂
I was told by crew had they put newspapers onboard they would have been even later leaving Heathrow oh and no time to load slippers either.

[canucklad]

On a particularly turbulent flight, the well heeled lady in front questioned the pilots training and ability to fly the aircraft with this demand.
“Can you have a word with your driver, I mean how am I expected to drink my wine, if he can’t fly this thing in a straight line? “

Or my mate’s new wife returning from the Caribbean asking why the aircraft was flying around the moon? My red faced mate had to explain to her that “The moon” was indeed the navigation light at the end of the wing!!

[Speedbird_ABZ]

I used to work for Dan Air many many years ago – obviously!
On a flight to Gatwick from Aberdeen an elderly woman was advised that if she required more tea she just pushed the button above her head.
10 minutes later – bing bing bing, she was holding the cup up to the crew call button waiting for the tea to come out.

[thecartoonman]

@Speedbird_ABZ – 03/09/2014 09:43 GMT

Absolutely brilliant, laughed out loud at that one.

[LuganoPirate]

Brilliant Speedbird. I can just picture that happening.

[DerekVH]

There are a few classics around; The american lady who was giving the cabin crew a particularly difficult time and late into the flight asked what the situation was like for domestic staff in the UK to which the reply was “I am sure madam will have no trouble finding a position” or the one where during pre flight checks the cabin crew found a mother had put the seatbelt over the infant on her lap and was asked if she could put the baby on top, the cabin crew member returned and noticed the baby was missing and on enquiring found the mother had put it in the overhead locker!

[Author]

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