25 Things (and Counting) We Hate About Hotels

I don’t stop to focus on the manufacturer!

If the hotel supplies what claims to be an XL robe, I expect it to be XL, the problems with their manufacturers are theirs not mine.

41. Airport hotels – a lot of your guests arrive late in the evening and leave early in the morning, so why not offer an overnight laundry service?
42. Crappy internet access which costs a fortune and then is limited to 100MB….I’m looking at you Australia!!!!
43. Internet access which requires the purchase of or phoning to reception to get a code
44. Ironing boards with no padding left so one gets the nice criss-cross pattern on the shirts/trousers you are trying to refresh because there is no over night laundry service in the trillion £ a night airport hotel you have booked because you landed at 22.00 and have a flight at 07.00 the next morning
45. Anything overcomplicated. Last night I stayed at the Pan Pacific KLIA….I had to phone down to reception to ask them where they’d hidden the ironing board (sufficient padding but definitely guilty of number 29). It was in some concealled/camoflaged cupboard….and light switches that have a thousand different options…and when you finally manage to work them out and turn the lights off, the standard lamp in the corner is still on…….arrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!
46. No plug sockets next to the bed, meaning I have to move the bedside cabinet and unplug the lamp if I want to charge my phone overnight.
47. Naff aircon…Pan Pacific guilty once more!
48. Hangers in wardrobes without a proper hook
49. Improperly tuned TV channels
50. TV listing sheet, that corresponds to nothing at all on the TV you have
51. No premium sports channels, forcing me to go to the bar
52. Cushions and throws on the bed. Although at least the throw lives up to its name
53. Singapore: Room rate of $300++. What the hell is that in real life?? Just give me a price!
54. No hook near the shower to hang the bath robe. What do you do? Chuck it on the floor in a heap or walk naked and dripping wet to the door where they have hung it?
55. Luggage racks….why after all these years has no one managed to make one that actually takes a suitcase?
56. Dirty irons
57. Minibars that have no stock in them but leave you a little note advising that this allows them to “tailor your requirements.” Nope, what it does is mean that I will just go out and buy my own stuff and put it in your fridge as you have inconvenienced me
58. Holiday Inn Darling Harbour putting a AU$5 deposit on your key card!! (This was last year some time (same time as the above minibar incident) and curiously enough had been removed when I stayed there in March this year)

I can assure you all that I’m not as Rhod Gilbert as the above sounds, but having worked in the hotel trade and now spending a considerable amount of my life staying in them, I’ve wracked up quite a list of pet hates.

None of them get it exactly right, but some of them get it hideously wrong.

61. Seeing a mouse happily swimming around in the toilet (Al Arish, Sinai).
62. Seeing a green gecko darting across the ceiling.

Hi papillion

I’m scared to ask what you found….? Did you scream or simply pass out?

In my case, it was very traumatic. Not only for me but for the mouse when a man arrived with a bottle of bleach!

It may have been a rat, and I am absolutely terrified of them.

@ StewartKidd1 – 24/10/2012 12:13 GMT

Ah, but what kind of idiot doesn’t just take his own tea bags (mine’s Darjeeling & Earl Grey) but also travels with his own M&S cherry sultana cake… There are some reminders of home that are indispensable. For everything else, there’s always Mastercard.

67. Bed covers that are made up so tight you have to shape shift transformer like into the shape of an A4 paper sliding into an envelope

68. Asking for a pint of Guiness at the bar and it being poured all in one go, and then being asked to sign £7 for it

69. Reception girls looking at you as if you’re a cheapskate when walking past them with your sorner shop 2lte bottles of water

70. Checking Inn at same hotel as 69 and being told for the god knows umpteenth time. ” Sorry we can’t give you an upgrade but please accept a mouldy bowl of fruit instead”. Cheers for recognising my platinum loyalty

73. Slight variation of 71 in Minsk top hotel. Stunning nubile ladies vying for your attention. How are you supposed enjoy your vodka. Hands off ladies

74. Electtric static shock when calling the lift

75. Room service trays so big and heavy that the designer must have been thinking of a hotel with guests named Stretch Armstrong and Charles Atlas

76. Attempting to place tray after use in the corridor , wearing only boxers and wrestling with heavy auto closing front door. A new olympic event