[Anonymous]

[VintageKrug]

Jokes to play on bmi employees:

Invite a bmi employee to dinner at your house. When they arrive, give them a small tube of Pringles and explain that no hot meals have been loaded into your kitchen today, only drinks and confectionary. Charge them for the Pringles but only accept exact change and no credit card because the cost is below £5.

—-

Serve a terrible dinner. Repaint the exterior of your house in a new colour scheme. Re-serve the exact same dinner, but insist that it is new, improved and delicious.

—-

Put a rickety table and tired chairs in your garage, and tell them that due to technical problem with the dining table, dinner will be served on a leased table with a slightly different service.

—-

1. Invite guests to dinner at an obscure location.
2. Rearrange the time repeatedly until no-one can be bothered to come any more.
3. Cancel the dinner, blaming your guests.

Repeat as required.

—-

Super-heat the dinner in your microwave, ensuring the gravy boils over the side of the plate; serve immediately and tell your guest they have three minutes to eat it up, before it will be cleared away.

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When they phone to confirm, put on an Indian accent and pretend you can’t understand who they are or what they want.

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Let them settle down for a post-dinner nap. Five minutes later, wake them up to sell them train tickets…….

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As they leave, give them an appreciation present of 4 gift vouchers for a free upgrade to luxury jacuzzi suite with any booking at any UK or Uzbekistani* Travelodge (with some small print noting that Travelodges near EDI, MAN, EMA, LHW and BRU will provide a free ‘breakfast in the bag’ as an alternative to the upgrade).

* Tashkent Travelodge opens November 2011. Voucher valid until December 2011.

—-

Any others?

[Sparepocket]

Are you implying that Indian call centre staff do not understand or are incapable of understanding English clients’ accents?

[LuganoPirate]

Nice one VK.

Sparepocket, VK has a point and it works both ways. I (and many others) often have great trouble understanding Indian Call Centre workers, which is why many of these jobs have migrated to S. Africa.

Worse, I speak Queen’s English, which many people from the sub Continent, Middle East and elsewhere, for whom English is a first or second language find it hard to understand.

They are used to a fractured English that so many people speak, and I often find when traveling with non-Brits, who have a more simplified English, that they will be perfectly understood and I’m the one standing there rather like Johnny Foreigner!

[Senator]

I also found this entertaining, and would suggest this would be applicable to more airlines.

Furthermore, I guess I would play the Jokes on the management and owners of BMI, and not the poor employees who are just following along for the ride. With owners, I would even include Sir Michael

[DisgustedofSwieqi]

Jokes to play on BA employees
+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Invite them to dinner and then be on strike, but give them a McDonalds takeaway and convince them that their service operated normally.

Invite them to dinner, then cancel it as they arrive, explaining that as they are local, they will be able to make alternative arrangements more easily than people from abroad.

Invite them to dinner, but don’t clean your house for 2 weeks before, making sure that you leave some bits of food on the cushions of their seats and a few dried rings on the dinner table.

Heat the dinner in your microwave very slowly and for a long time, ensuring the gravy turns into shellac, then pretend it is quite normal.

invite them to dinner and make sure that your flourescent tubes need new starts and they flicker all through the dinner.

Play them a movie, but make sure that the TV screen is u/s.

Invite them to join your special club and then tell them people from abroad only have to pay half as much to get the same membership.

Invite them to dinner, with some guests from overseas and give the latter more food.

[Sparepocket]

Surely, the joke should be played on BA’s management as well (seeing that Management make the decisions relating to catering and are in a way responsible for inflight entertainment)?
Does that mean Iberia’s staff are also now fair game?

[Sparepocket]

LuganoPirate…I think only the Queen herself and a few BBC old hats speak The Queen’s English;everyone else south of Waftord speaks in varying twangs of Estuarine/Mockney.

[seasonedtraveller]

VK – really very funny 🙂

I wish I had more to add other than perhaps to invite them to dinner in Glasgow and then, on the day, simply change the venue to Edinburgh…..Hey, its all Scotland, right!?

Perhaps we could also enjoy some party games beginning with that old party favourite – ‘bury your head in the sand’

Message to BMI – when in doubt, deny everything.

[LuganoPirate]

Spare pocket, I’ve obviously been out of the country too long and my accent has not evolved!

[Freedom1]

DisgustedofSwieqi your brave.. VK will report you to moderators for daring to mock his beloved BA

🙂

[DisgustedofSwieqi]

Freedom1

Senator said “I also found this entertaining, and would suggest this would be applicable to more airlines”, so I thought I would oblige.

I suspect one could do a similar exercise for most airlines.

[continentalclub]

Did I?!

[DisgustedofSwieqi]

Continental Club, please accept my apologies.

I was quoting Senator and for some reason typed your name.

I will edit my post.

[continentalclub]

I was rather flattered, Disgusted! Do you dream about me too?!

[Author]

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