[Anonymous]

[Bunnahabhain]

On the day we hear fares are to rise and following canucklad’s leadership on the other thread;

1) The driver on the freight train ahead has gone home sick…40 minute delay
2) Train cancellation due to un-expected rain… In Scotland and in Summer
3) Seat reservations cancelled because electricity supply has been disrupted..no seat from Derby to Waveley..cost of ticket £157
4) Finding the farmer to retrieve cows from the line…30 minutes… to be fair, this also resulted in the best one-liner from the conductor….” we’ll be mooooving soon “
5) Trying to pay cash for a cup of tea, no change and we don’t have enough hot water anyway..priceless !!

I do quite like the ubiquitous “operational reasons” – aka in the mornings the driver works as a surgeon and it was a bit busy today. I’ve also had the cow on the line with the search for the elusive farmer – brings a new twist to the old mid-air announcement “Is there a farmer on board?”

Once on an East Coast 125 it started going slower than usual and it soon became clear that one of the engines had failed. We eventually shunted into a siding “to await the collection of an additional driver, which will mean that the train can proceed at a faster speed” – Nigel that’s definitely one for you to explain from the 1820 rule book. Said driver ‘s limousine never did appear and we limped into Edinburgh. Adding to the frustration was the crew’s apparent unawareness of what would happen as a result – while the passengers got live updates on their phones via the train operator’s website / app over the on-board wi-fi that the service was being terminated at Edinburgh, though it hardly needed any modern technology in your hand to work that out.

Perhaps worthy in turn of a separate thread, I also fume at the incessant, ear piercing and proliferating number of on-board announcements especially at the originating station prior to departure. Whilst most of the time it sounds like they are reading from the 2012 edition of the same rule book, occasionally you get a gem thrown in by a train manager (nee guard) with an extra penchant for power over the plebs. My favourite at King’s Cross was “If you leave the train at an intermediate station but fail to return to the train prior to onward departure and your ticket is not valid for the following service, you will be charged the full single fare for that part of the journey”
Assume that was because you nipped out for a quick fag Simon. This rule can also come into force at York on southbound services when they use platform 3 and need + finances dictate that you could do with a bottle of wine or 6 pack from the Whistlestop shop. It has more chance of success on the 125 sets where the staff have to shut the doors manually. It is recommended that a risk assessment be undertaken beforehand. Any kind of the queue in the shop, or the guy in front trying to pay with luncheon vouchers (or even worse a Scottish banknote) and you have to abort the mission, otherwise you look a right Rodney standing on the platform with your carrier bag as the train disappears into the distance. Neither BT nor I accept any liability for financial consequences of this stunt going wrong! This is due to the wrong kind of lawyer.

[Shearer]

My “favourite” are:

“We have a wide range of hot and cold drinks and snacks, teas, coffees, chocolate, sandwiches available”

“Please do not leave your luggage unattended at any time” – think about it!

[NTarrant]

Nice one Jim – I always chuckle at the announcement “due to an incident” rather than saying “we had a jumper on at xyz”. A bit like the traffic news on Radio 2 when they say there has been a “police incident”, thats an incident which involved police, perhaps they had a party!

The driver’s limo, well that is very true, god forbid that drivers have to travel with the punters. I recall the days (BR actually) when working a rail replacement bus service, a driver got in a taxi and was wisked away to the same station as we were going to, so you wouldn’t find Ray Buckton and his mates on a bus.

Anyway, what about the free cuppa in First Class, (East Midlands and Greater Anglia that I know of), you get the cheap ASDA Smart saver rather than the Kenco or PG.

Happy days!!

[andystock]

First Capital Connect ‘The rats have eaten the signal cables’

[Author]

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