[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

In which our correspondent discovers mixing business with pleasure is a recipe for disaster…

I have an announcement to make. I, the notorious globe-trotting singleton, have found a man. And no, it wasn’t online. Our eyes met across a hotel bar during a rare few weeks back in London. It’s early days, but he’s younger, hotter and less prone to making me burst into tears than the ex, so things are looking rosy.

So rosy, that after a particularly soppy Skype chat, I invited him to accompany me on my next business trip to Dubai. He said he’d love to, and my heart leapt. No lonely nights in my hotel room, no solo dining and no disgraceful minibar raids to pass the time. The solitary lifestyle of a jetsetter can take its toll, and since I’d met my home-grown hunk, I’d actually been contemplating giving it all up – well, slowing it down a bit.

As I tossed my most alluring bikini into my Louis Vuitton holdall, I congratulated myself on following my heart, and being so willing to share my world with someone else. Later, I would not only look back on this moment and wonder why I hadn’t chosen a bikini that actually fitted me, but also what on earth I was thinking.

When we met at the airport, my hopes were high. But as I released myself from his embrace, I gasped in horror. I’d just got a proper look at his choice of outfit for our business class flight. His football shirt, ankle-flapping combat trousers, a bumbag fastened around his waist, and on his bare feet – Crocs.

I don’t know what disappointed me more about his attire – the sheer lack of fashion sense, or the fact that it exposed him as a business travel pleb. While flying in the front needn’t mean getting suited and booted, I personally believe you shouldn’t look like you’re heading off for a boozy week in Magaluf. What did he think this was – a holiday?

My instinct was to march him straight into Harrods and rectify the situation, but instead I took a deep breath and considered that it was too early on in the relationship to tell him what to do or how to dress. So I kept my mouth shut, and we headed to the lounge, where I knocked back a stiff drink to numb my embarrassment, and waited to board.

Unless I have urgent business to attend to, I always look forward to a bit of downtime when I fly. I catch up on the TV and films I never have time to watch, enjoy a glass of wine or two with my meal, have a little nap, and look out at the clouds, embracing the chance simply to sit and think.

It turns out my beloved does not share these travel habits. No, he’s “not really a film buff”, he “can’t sleep unless he’s in a bed” and hates silences – even comfortable ones. Instead, he thought the journey would be a great time to get to know one another better – a sweet sentiment, but not one that I shared. So as he nattered away about his childhood and extended family, I felt as if he had gatecrashed my party. Except that I had invited him.

Once we landed, the journey to the hotel was slightly better – he stared out of the taxi window in silence, captivated by the towering skyscrapers along Sheikh Zayed Road. It was quite endearing, and I switched gears a little – it reminded me of how I’d felt on my first ever business trip.

Sadly, this feeling was short-lived. When we checked into our suite, I realised we were going to have a problem. Running to the bed – not out of unbridled passion for yours truly but so he could bounce up and down on it like a kid – he then leaned over and pressed all the buttons in the control panel, the blinds jerking up and down and the lights flashing on and off. He stripped to his boxers and tossed his clothes across the room, an unmistakable stench coming from those nasty Crocs. Grabbing a beer from the minibar, he lumped himself on the sofa, put his feet on the coffee table and switched on Sky Sports.

Once again, I felt as if someone was trespassing on my life. I had a meeting in an hour and this was usually my quiet time, when I pottered around and enjoyed a final bit of peace before the work began. While that may sound anti-social, it was what I had become accustomed to. When I’m away on business, my time is me time – and I like it that way.

Don’t get me wrong – having my man with me did have its obvious perks, and I didn’t end up murdering him. But I commend those of you who regularly take your spouse away on business. While it’s nice to have a companion, your work trip can turn into their holiday all too easily. Next time, I’m booking the time off and we’re heading for a desert island. And I might even bring a bumbag.

[BeckyBoop]

Oh hun don’t worry, from what you have told us about him sounds like a normal guy to me…lol. My boyfriend is very much the same but Crocs and a bum bag!!!… OMG :p you should of changed him!!..lol mine would never dare!

You are very lucky if you can take you boyfriend on your business trips. The only time he can come is at work parties and some dinners. Did he behave himself at all the formal functions?

I am surprised you both didn’t get into trouble being in a country that where sharing a hotel room as an unmarried couple. We wanted to go a couple of years back but didn’t want to risk it.

Tell us more about him am dying to find out more and hear the goss!!
Are you both still together? 😉 xx

[LeTigre]

I’ve been on business trips with all sorts of annoying idiots but none that I have had the misfortune to be romantically involved with.

I guess it doesn’t work with boyfriends but try the following…

1. Offer to do the online check in for the both of you, keep them away!
2. Complete the process by booking seats really far from each other.
3. At the airport, uncover the mistake in the departure lounge, feigning huge disappointment, including the sentence “…but I was planning on telling you about…”, NOT on-board as kind FAs have a tendency to move you.
4. Enjoy a peaceful chat-free flight and becoming overly familiar with a boring colleague who annoys you.

If you are really pushing the boat out (presumably prior to murder) you can: duplicate taxi bookings and claim using both is morally justifiable, when booking hotels add a note that you like your room to be on a corner while your colleague likes to be close to the pool, etc.

You may have noticed from my comments…I feel your pain!

[IanFromHKG]

LeTigre, I loved your suggestions! I used to follow a variant of number 2 myself, albeit with colleagues/clients rather than loved ones – when I checked in, I would ask where they were seated and then have myself put as far away from them as possible

I also had the experience of having the same thing done to me. A few years ago, the memsahib and I decided to have our first post-kids weekend away, and went to Bangkok. She made the arrangements, but I snuck the ticket out of the house, went to the CX ticketing office, and upgraded us to first class, booking the two adjacent centre seats (this was old CX first, before the mini-suites came in). She found out at the airport, and was delighted, but when we got on the plane she went very quiet, and when I pressed her about what was wrong she said that with no kids to take care of, she was really looking forward to being ON HER OWN for once – so we moved to the empty window seats in the last row, as far away from each other as we could get!!

[LuganoPirate]

I can sympathise. Despite certain critics on this forum, I take the patriarchal view, ie. Dad up front, Mum in the middle and kids in the back. If alone we never fly together but take two different airlines or flights.

If with a colleague and I’m paying, then it’s F for me and C or Y for them, unless she’s good looking that is, then it’s up font with me 😉

If someone else is paying, then if they’re good company we’ll sit together, if not I’ll employ Le Tigre’s method and make sure we have different seats. However this backfired once (some would say deservedly so) after I’d gone to real pain to get us separated to find he was upgraded to F and I was left in C!!!

[nycank2010]

This is a hilarious piece. But, is this real !!! Such characters exist in real life?

[canucklad]

The better half and her pals were having a swish swanky girly weekend in London (Thu-Sun). Staying at the IC in Park Lane. It was agreed that we would spend Thursday night together because we would miss each other at the weekend.

I traipse from Brentford into Mayfair after a hard day at the office. She can’t believe her luxurious surroundings. I can’t believe how little change from £20 for a beer whilst I await for my princess to decend !

Into London night we head. 3 drinks later and “it’s been a long day, let’s head to you’re hotel” she suggests suggestively. Onto the District line and it’s back to Brentford we head

Into my room and the rose pettaled bed I prepared before I left! ” I can’t believe how much nicer and bigger your room is “. (Hol Inn Exec room with balcony over looking swan infested loch). 2 minutes after the moan she was fast asleep!

Next morning I was up and packed before heading to work. Advised her that she could enjoy the amenities till 2 if she wanted. A peck on the cheek and ” no I had better get back to my crappy hotel in town and meet the girls”. Followed by ” you’ve ruined my weekend now I know that you stay in a much nicer hotel “

Point being Anon it works both ways.

Men can’t do right for doing wrong!

[LuganoPirate]

Nycank, truth is often stranger than fiction!

How true Canucklad, men rarely get it right do we?

[canucklad]

On the subject of travelling with colleagues, it really depends on whether or not you’re compatible…..as to the lengths you will go to try and avoid certain work colleagues……Because one colleague lived near me , it was expected that we share a car to the airport for our Sunday 7pm flight to LHR.

Travelling alone i would arrange for the car to pick me up at my local at 5.30…enough time to get to the airport & enjoy a drink in the lounge…this individual’s wallet was seen less than a Big Brothers contestants intellect! I was dragged away from my pals 1hour quicker than needed and worse had to endure company of somebody who didn’t have anything in common with me!

To be fair in retrospect it was probably me people tried to avoid….my travelling companions have had to endure…

1) Totally bored waiting for luggage at T! (Pink tags?!?!) announced to my fellow passengers waiting in they hall if I could get their attention……all duly obliged ….proceeded to get down on one knee and proclaimed my love for my colleague and then proposed….horrified my bemused colleague said yes…roars of approval from the crowd…Into the London night ,we all went our separate ways…to this day those people are non the wiser I was just bored!

2) Walking off the aircraft and kidnapping the dispatcher for 10 minutes as I asked him to talk me through (commentary style) the performance of the baggage handlers

3) Pretended to be another colleague’s gay lover–so I could get a seat next to him in the business class seats

4) Mistook a person in the row in front for someone we had met in the lounge–she got such a scare when I tapped her on the heard she leapt out her seat and screamed…her husband in a very posh voice rebuked me akin to being slapped with a wet trout…my colleague laughed the remainder of the journey.

All the above incidents were met with generally good humour and the comment…”it’s never boring travelling with you”

Finally our behaviour was finally caught out…the people who travelled regularly with me, got into the habit of requesting a “Baileys for landing”

On a daytime during work hours flight, 2 of us were accompanied by our boss…the cabin crew recognising 2 of us, presented the Baileys to us as usual…My boss was perplexed, the 2 of us were horrified!!

[judynagy]

Men can’t do right for doing wrong! Well now, Canucklad, while this is often true, it’s not always the case. My husband and I have nothing in common and after 30 happy years we still have completely separate interests. Except when travelling for leisure, we have the best time together. I didn’t realize for years why I enjoyed our trips together so much … but finally figured out that Dan has no opinions or wants except to enjoy what I like to do. He’s not pretending, he really does enjoy himself. He drives the rental, tips the bellmen, orders the wine with dinner and happily goes along with the POD. No wonder I consider him the world’s best travelling companion! But take him on a business trip? Sooner cut off my foot.

[FlyingChinaman]

Anonymous: Loved your post!

You should now know from experience that it’s best to take your “invited guest” to a purely holiday trip. Fiarer to your travel companion as you would spend more time with him and more likely to tolerate his untidiness.

Continue to have more personal fun trips. Love is a many splendid thing!!!

[canucklad]

Judynagy— I’m assuming POD stands for person of distinction. 😉

[LuganoPirate]

Or P***ed Off Daughter 😉

[capetonianm]

Years ago I was scheduled on a business trip to South America with a very hot looking female colleague. I had to put up with many ribald and jealous remarks but the funny part was that I was the only person who knew that although she was very feminine looking she was in fact a lesbian and in a stable relationship (with, of course, another female).

As we got on well, but there was no sexual tension, we had a fantastic three week trip together and when we returned decided to spread the rumour that we’d spent three weeks bonking each other senseless!

[Author]

Posts