North Pole firm welcomes fuel surcharge cuts

25 Dec 2008

North Pole-based toy-supply executive Nicholas Saint has welcomed the pre-Christmas cuts in fuel surcharges, saying that they were essential for his business operations.

Saint said that the reduction in reindeer-feed surcharges was long overdue and came just in time for his busiest night of the year.

“This is the worst recession I’ve seen in about 1,600 years,” the snowy-white bearded entrepreneur said, “and the market speculation in reindeer feed could have put me out of business.

“Fortunately, the drop in prices allowed me to maintain my global operations without cutting any routes, which would have disappointed millions of customers in my key 0-5-year-old demographic and affected the livelihoods of hundreds of my Little Helpers.”

Saint’s delivery peak is on December 25 each year and he spends much of the time overseeing his staff of several thousand elves, whose workshops concentrate on the fulfillment of millions of handwritten orders that are often placed well in advance of the Christmas period.

However, the recession has forced Saint to postpone his planned refurbishment of his private Airbus 2512 Sleigh.

“I was looking at getting one of those flat beds like they have on Cathay Pacific, but unfortunately I’m far too fat and jolly to fit in it.”

For the rest of the time, Saint travels extensively sourcing new products and attending toy trade fairs mostly in Asia, where raw material and labour costs are considerably lower than the North Pole.

“I rack up millions of frequent flyer points each year,” he said, “but somehow the airlines always find a way of stopping me from using them. My significant other, Mother Christmas is always asking why we can’t have a weekend at a spa retreat in Bali or Phuket, but the flights are never available.”

Ebeneezer Scrooge, director of the Asian Frequent Flyer Programme Association and regional director of lower-than-low-cost carrier BA Humbug, was unavailable for comment.

Kenny Coyle

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