Utter Bladder Madness

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  • Anonymous


    My Monday rant ……….. “The Waverly”

    As is my want of a Sunday afternoon I indulged in a few pints of Best whilst enjoying the company of friends and Sky Sports at my Bowling Club and my village local.
    I say a few as I was returning to work today after a very pleasant weeks golfing holiday in Morayshire, not forgetting my Guinness trip to Punchestown the week before, so I knew that I needed my brain to be clear of any fuzziness this morning at my office in Newcastle.

    Taxi picked me up to take me to my local station at 17.45. I paid for this with all the loose change I had collected through the day; you might think why he is boring us with irrelevant coin chat.

    All will become clear……

    Scotrailing it through to Edinburgh the shake rattle and roll gets the better of me, so I proceed to the only loo. The “Out of Order” sign sings ever so slightly less to my visual senses than the pungent aroma Black Sabbaths my smelling senses …Time to tie a knot in it as they say!

    Leaving Haymarket and slowly trundling along the approach to the Waverly I’m desperately closing my ears to my neighbours conversation about a tourist attraction just south of Toronto!

    I leave the train quicker than a greyhound out the traps, hare my way through the turnstiles in a dash that Usain Bolt would be proud of!!
    And then…….STOP !! TURNSTYLE : (( ” Ehhh ************, what the **** ** 30 ***** P , reaching into my pockets , ****** why did I give the Taxi driver a ******** tip !!!

    I’m resourceful so know that there’s a toilet in the station pub, so implement plan B , so quickly order a pint and head for relief ……. You’re joking ,I need a bloody ******* KEY?
    Really, a toilet that only allows 1 person at a time. My knot is becoming looser and looser, and I’m doing a passable impersonation of a Morris dancer on speed, but finally I’m able to have that very best of feelings…….. Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa : )

    My rant is this, is it acceptable for Scotland’s busiest rail station to have such antiquated toilet facilities in the 21st century??


    They should at least have a touch & pay facility.


    Take it you are a man and have therefore spent your whole life whizzing (excuse the pun) in and out of toilets, whilst woman stand cross legged for ages due to a lack of adequate facilities 🙂


    That made me laugh Canucklad, and how I can relate to that, though it usually happens to me as I reach my hotel room to find the magnetic band doesn’t work and I have to go back to reception – cross legged!


    canucklad – caught short at Waverley or near by? Saunter up the stairs into the wee B&B above where they have immaculate facilities. You need to look uber self-confident and cool to make it past the doorman and in your condition that may have been difficult, I grant!


    Oh canucklad, thank you for that, I needed a laugh… And yes, I know it is poor form to laugh at another’s misfortune, but that really was a funny read!

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