It has to be within USA airspace!
Back to Forum- This topic has 51 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 19 Feb 2020
at 08:34 by AFlyingDutchman.
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MartynSinclairParticipantBearing in mind Ian from HKG’s recent suggestion for combating jet lag, I wonder if this chappie mentioned after United running out of toilet paper, was just trying to combat his jet lag:)))
20 Jun 2013
at 16:03
LuganoPirateParticipantPerhaps with the lack of bog paper, he didn’t know if he was coming or going š
20 Jun 2013
at 23:23
canuckladParticipantI recall like yesterday, a train journey between Nice and Genoa during the 1990 World Cupā¦..
A group of typically blonde Finnish lassies on a final year school trip sitting beside us, giggling and flirting with me and my kilted palsā¦ā¦bottle of vino being enjoyed, usual innuendos and questions about Scotsmen and kiltsā¦..
This spurred on the a pervy, de-shrevelled Italian trampino sitting a few rows away to wander up to the girls tableā¦..drop his pants and do a rather life like impersonation of the wee boy statue in Brusselsā¦.
Some of the lassies burst out laughing, the less experienced (shall we say) looked on in horror as the shrivelled worm flopped about in front of themā¦..
Stunned at this surprising and unwelcome intervention in to our attempt at building Scottish Scandinavian friendships, we took another slug of beer/ wine and then kicked him into the next carriageā¦.undeterred by this forcible removalā¦…our bold Torino Trampino arrived back for attempt number 2 ā¦ā¦a few harsh Scottish words and again heās kicked into touch, this time snatching one of bottle of our beers!!
We had notified the conductor in the meantime who just shrugged hisā hawhehawā shoulders and walked awayā¦..
Presumably buoyed by his beer, back for attempt now 3ā¦ā¦would he masterā¦..his wee willie winkie into shapeā¦ā¦.
Ehā¦noā¦girls now totally freaked outā¦ā¦.train door opened and bye bye Trampino
21 Jun 2013
at 09:09
MartynSinclairParticipantNow I have a far clearer understanding about airline ticket pricing with this analogy…
IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT
From an airline Captain with close to three decades in the airline industry.
He says “I never really understood how airline ticket pricing worked until I read this analogy. Perhaps some of the airline pilots and passengers on your mailing list might also appreciate this.”IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What’s the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn’t any difference; it’s all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then I’d like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It’s my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in 21 days, or about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You’ve got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Clerk: I’ll check and see if we have any paint available.
Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
Clerk: But it doesn’t mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don’t have any more $12 paint.
Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven’t actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?
Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I’ll have enough.
Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy paint and don’t use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have. If you change any colors there is a $50.00 change fee, even if it is the same brand. Also, no refunds.
Customer: WHAT?
Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.
Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!
Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don’t, it causes us all sorts of problems.
Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don’t keep painting until after Saturday night!
Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.
Customer: But what are all these, “Paint on sale from $12 a gallon”, signs?
Clerk: Well that’s for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $6 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
Customer: To hell with this! I’ll buy what I need somewhere else!
Clerk: I don’t think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won’t be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.
Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
Clerk: That’s if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.
Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you’ll confiscate the remaining paint.
Clerk: Yes, and we’ll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you’re getting it now, sir.
Customer: You’re insane!
Clerk: Thanks for painting with United!
3 Sep 2013
at 07:38
conshaldowParticipantIf you were painting with British Paintways and wanted to use your Frequent Painter Points for the tartan supplement you wouldn’t be able to purchase it until at least 24 hours after everyone else has bought the Watford Gap brand.
3 Sep 2013
at 09:48
MartynSinclairParticipantDo you reckon this is real??
I have no idea where this incident happened… so may be unfair to put on this thread…
30 May 2014
at 10:49
BigDog.Participant… no offence intended but….
Reading Martyn’s DM link
There is a paragraph close to the end
…..United Airlines is currently facing a lawsuit filed last month by an 18-year-old California high school student who claimd that flight attendants failed to address a passenger who was m**********g in front of her…..
which poses the question.. How does one address a passenger who….
… Sir or Madam or To****r….
Sorry but found the whole notion comically absurd, mainly due to the DM’s reporting/English usage (or not).
30 May 2014
at 12:40
LuganoPirateParticipantOr perhaps Harry, it was Mr. Bates, Mrs. Bates or their son Master **** š
31 May 2014
at 07:18
MartynSinclairParticipantThank goodness the pig didn’t enter T5 lounge complex. This Forum would be up in arms…
Is this for real??? It is from the DM after all….
29 Nov 2014
at 13:21
PeterCoultasParticipantBrilliant and keep it up – new knees deserve all the best!
29 Nov 2014
at 18:10 -
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