[Anonymous]

[skywards]

Hello fellow members,

I fly 3 or 4 times per year in business class….my job is very stressful as it’s in the security business in lets say “Interesting countries”…on a recent night time flight from LHR to DOH i was woken up by the most horrific smell of flatulence that i had ever smelt in my life…i felt like vomiting…the F.A. went round the full cabin spraying an air freshener…then it happend again…then again…i felt like because i don’t dress to impress i was been targeted as the main suspect…i did not dare to go to the bathroom and my eyes was fixed on anyone that did go to the bathroom thinking are they the suspects in question?…on this flight i seen a few men whom seemed drunk on boarding…we can not point fingers….but if we could and proved right in finding the phantom farter…could he be booted out of business into the economy section when found guilty?

[LuganoPirate]

I burst out laughing when I read this. Were there any kids on board? They often take great delight in gassing everyone and size makes no difference here! In fact the smaller they are, the more potent the farts.

At least on QR’s 777s you have air vents to blow the pong away!

[LuganoPirate]

I’m still laughing now as are my two kids. They reminded of that old adage, and I apologise in advance, but, “he who denied it, supplied it”!! 😉

[skywards]

What QR B777.300ER it was a A340.600 air vents unsuccessful in operation “Clean Air”…no kids in the cabin..glad i made you’s laugh 🙂

[FlyingChinaman]

Skywards: I have access to some surplus (over-run) GAS MASKS from a factory in China and I may give you an advanced Christmas present to relief you of the misery!

What is your head size?

You must have been very stressed out from your job when you made the remark about sending this farting person to the rear section of the plane! I am sure you didn’t mean it and it was a laspe of an overtaxed brain!

[LuganoPirate]

Thanks Skywards. I guess it must have been unpleasant though. It does make we wonder why Airbus do not fit air vents like Boeing do?

[skywards]

Thanks for the offer…i may have found the answer…Happinose..a nasal decongestant balm sometimes i use when in really dry areas..it keeps my nose inside all carm…it has a nice smell as well..i may need to use it when things get nasty in the cabin.

Yes sometimes get stressed out…but i never show it…well at least not yet 😉

[watersz]

skywards

looks like ur search for WMD is over then

[FlyingChinaman]

Skywards: I personally would use Tiger Balm!!!

Bel-air to you!!

[RichHI1]

OK you are all going to laugh at me but I hate the smell of people breaking wind and also those aircraft that vent the toilet air into the cabin. So I purchase a bottle of Febreze Anti Allergen spray and and pour 3fl oz into a portable disposable spray bottle from CVS which I carry on. When the going gets tough I start spraying and it really works. I used it last week and at first people around me smile then they suddenly realize it works and I get asked to spray in their direction some more. Bonus is no horrible cheap perfume smell either.
There is a commercial product that AA use in toilets called Jet something which again tames the worst odours. I have also managed to tame even worse smells on the HNL route when it got very turbulent and some people lost their lunches.
OK you can stop laughing at me but it does work.

[DisgustedofSwieqi]

Lucky you didn’t get a divert and ‘special forces’, due to biological warfare being unleashed 🙂

[MartynSinclair]

Why do you think the flight deck has got those $1 million doors? Its generally worse in the descent and when there is a 1 in 3 chance it could be you – makes you squeeze real hard.

[RichHI1]

Is this the real reason why you cannot bring torch lighters on board?

[skywards]

I always bring Tiger Balm ointment back from Thailand for my friend who does Mauy Thai kick boxing…i buy it for him…like 70 THB £1.40? then i found out he was selling it for £5.00 per bottle at his local MMA club…maybe i should just pour the stuff down me hooter before i leave the lounge?

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